All my life I was taught to look like I had it all together.  And so I did.   Look like it.  I don’t think I always felt like it was all together, but that wasn’t the important part.  The image…that was what we were after.  It wasn’t said but as the oldest in the family, it hung in the air.  Set the example.  Make us look good.  Be the best.  The whole world is out there, yours for the taking.

I think a lot about that.  I work hard these days at leaving things undone.  At going to bed instead of finishing one more thing.  At letting people see my weakness.  Lord, have I got weaknesses.

People have said things to me like “YOU don’t know how to do that?  I thought you could do it all.”

I want to scream at them.  But it is me…I put the can-do-it-all image out there.  The perfectionist that lies just below the surface can’t stand this undone stuff.

And so I haven’t been very productive today.  Not in a to-do list sort of way.  I slept in and then did some record keeping for work while in my pjs.  After a shower and grocery shopping I read a book that I’m really enjoying.  The rest of the day has been spent window shopping until stores closed and a meeting with a friend over a hot cup of tea.  Now I have a little more time before my guys get home from ice-fishing.  And I will probably spend all of it here.  Thinking and writing.

What looks like lazy is not lazy at all.  It’s hard work for me to play all day.

I know progress is being made.  At a school event last week, a friend was complaining that she has too much vacation time and her husband doesn’t have much.  She didn’t know how to use it up…even saying “I just can’t stay home and do nothing!”  I told her she should try.  That it was really nice to just take a day alone to read or putz around.  She said she’d feel too guilty.  My sweet hubby looked at me and said “Yeah, she used to say that too.  But now she can relax.”  I don’t think the other moms got it…but I sure smiled.

In fact, I’m taking a week off in March.  I’ll spend the first few days at a scrapbooking retreat and then spend the rest of the week at home.  I have some projects I’d like to get to and some crafting to do.  And some reading.  Who knows what I’ll leave undone that week.

How about you?  Are you up til all hours finishing things up?  Do you make time to relax and play?  Please tell me…


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Filed under Attitude, Just Me

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